(1863) почта to My Wife

 July, 1863

Dear Millicent,

           I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I've just been feeling really....sick lately. I don't know.
It's just... hard, so very hard. There was a battle last week at Gettysburg and we lost many casualties; Too many, in fact. Carcasses were spread on the battlefield like carpets and blood soaked the grass and gave the water a disgusting, red tinge. I don't know what to do anymore except for taking orders and I don't even know if I should take orders from Lee anymore. Almost all of my men are dead. I have only about 67 men fit to fight left. I'm tired and want to go home, dear Millicent. I cannot bear all of this death and blood and murder any longer. Slavery or not, this is madness and I feel like I am losing my mind. The smell of rotting flesh and dried blood, along with the sweat and tears of thousands of praying soldiers has permanently been branded into my mind and I hate it. It's bad enough that the Emancipation Proclamation had to be signed against us, taking away our slaves so we have to work in secret. This country is tyranny, and the North and their Lincoln are goddamn degenerate mongrels and malcontents! From the Union victory at Chattanooga to the Confederate victory at Chancellorsville, I thought this silly war was going to be over TWO YEARS AGO.

         Lincoln is wrong. There is nothing to be thankful for now. This country is bleeding and ripping apart. How could anyone be thankful?!

Please, my love, I wish to ask you one thing. Please hide this letter from my father. He expects so much of me as a Major in the army. He will think I'm going crazy... maybe I am going crazy? I just can't focus at all and I'm scared of my impending death. I may never see you again, and at this point, I'm not even sure if we are going to win. I'm sorry you have to see me this way, Millicent; I just... need to sleep since I haven't been sleeping well lately. Tell my mother that I send my greetings and tell Jon and Rose to behave and that I love them very much. Good luck Milly. I love you with all my heart. 💗

                           Your loving husband,

                                     George

PS. Here is a picture of me and the men preparing for battle. Just something to remember me. I am the one on horseback.